Why do men tend to avoid responsibility, marriage, and confessions? What makes them run away from a woman they like as soon as she wants something more serious? Today, let’s talk about men’s typical fears associated with a serious relationship.
You guess that everything is great, you love each other, but he doesn’t want to co-habit or even worse – he cannot clearly define your status. Why? What makes men reject cohabiting and the common future?
What are men afraid of?
The word “obligations“
Typically, men don’t want to co-habit with a girl they like because they fear a relationship will get worse. They are afraid that the things they do now because they like them will become a duty. For this reason, men don’t want to change anything in their life as a couple.
As psychologists claim, these fears are predetermined by our social surroundings and media telling stories about unsuccessful relationships and conflicts. Divorce has become a routine matter, and even those men who haven’t tried to engage in a meaningful relationship yet mistrust the notion of marriage.
At the same time, it may happen that a person is mature enough for a partnership and all the duties associated with it. But as soon as it stops being their own will and turns into a social demand, inner protest arises. Prejudice may also come from a negative experience in a parental family. If a person is still young and not very rigid, they may learn to become intimate step by step, when they gradually realize that they are able to build a private life independently.
As a rule, a long-term relationship requires being faithful to your partner. Many men aren’t ready to assume this responsibility and they don’t want to lie or cheat on their partner.
Thus, a lot of young men are afraid of the idea that they will have only one sexual partner. Quite often, a situation changes after a man acquires enough sexual experience and love impressions, when there arises a need for intimacy that can be reached solely with one person. Nevertheless, there are also people who reject a monogamous relationship.
A frequent change of partners may be caused by sexual dependence that hides other, more acute problems. It’s rather psychological than physiological need – a person uses sex as a means of self-assertion and raising their self-esteem, trying to eradicate loneliness and the feeling of being lost. However, this turns out to be a mere sublimation of real warmth and intimacy. Fear and distrust towards another person don’t let us focus on one person.
Not 100% sure about their feelings
Even when in love, some men cannot get rid of a feeling they can meet someone they will like more and who will be more compatible with them. Psychologists believe this phenomenon comes from the “postponed life” syndrome when a person lives with a feeling that they are just preparing for a better, real, more colorful life. People suffering from this syndrome postpone other spheres of fulfilling their potential as well, and, most importantly, they don’t realize what’s doing around. Finally, it inevitably leads to inner conflict and bitter disappointment.
When two people start living together, they cannot manage their time as they’ve done before. That’s why, men prefer to meet with their sweetheart when they both feel like that, which helps to avoid conflicts and unnecessary explanations. Besides, men value their freedom very highly, which means they always need a lot of time to dare engage in a long-term relationship.
Though, if a person decides that they need to create a union at some point in their life, compromising skills may be gradually mastered. But the process may be complicated by one’s deep fear to become dependent on the partner. In this case, it’s more difficult for a person to overcome an inner way on the way to intimacy.
What should a woman do?
“We are so close; why doesn’t he want to co-habit?” “Why doesn’t he delete his profile on a dating site after several successful dates?” Women are often tormented by questions of this kind. If you feel that a relationship is inadequate, the worst thing you can do because of fear to lose it is to silently agree with a current situation.
Deeply inside, a woman hopes that a beloved man will change his mind one day. If the period of waiting lasts too long, our psyche starts using one of the most powerful means of protection – rationalization. Thus, we convince ourselves that we also don’t need an intimate connection. However, sooner or later this inner conflict is likely to lead to a crisis.
That’s why mutual honesty is very important, and if you have different notions about how your union is going to develop, you need to make a choice.
Beware of imitation
Sometimes, another partner starts imitating their involvement in a relationship and pretend they are ready to assume responsibility. It usually happens to people with narcissistic traits who approach a partner first creating an illusion of an intimate and trusting relationship, but then push them away unexpectedly. These emotional swings become the core of a relationship, and the second part has a false feeling of being loved. Being pushed away, a victim of such a relationship believes these are some “temporary difficulties” they have to overcome.
Therefore, at this stage, it’s important to realize that this just a substitute for human intimacy, and the earlier a person finds enough courage to admit that, the more chances they have to meet a man with the same values and life priorities. Never let your partner manipulate you since this may have a detrimental effect on your physical and mental well-being.
Also, keep in mind that toxic people don’t change because sucking others’ energy is their predominant trait. That’s why the only way to win in a relationship with such a person is not to play or simply quit the game. Choose yourself, your inner peace, and leave a manipulator for good. It’s the best thing you can do in this situation.